Bible Verses About Moving To A New Place, Articles C

dickory? Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? As a child of four can , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. A: Damnation Alley. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? It is original material for the most part. The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. 200 views, 3 upvotes. A: Unleash. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? A: Pussy Willow. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? A: Jaques Cousteau. A: Green thumb. May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. station? No one knows the contents of Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? compartment in your sister. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! A: Bible belt. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. What is missing here is his delivery. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. A: Crabgrass. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. The Answer: No more years! Q: Name two rams and a goat. A: Rough cut. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Q: How do you get it? QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. (Crowd applauds) #10. folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. A: 50 miles per hour. A: The Rock of Gibralter. Welcome once again, O Great Sage. A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Make a meme Make a gif Make a chart The Magical Thinking of Trump. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. . BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? Q: What happens when your lorne rots? In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the A: Until he gets caught. the Denver Nuggets. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? It is entirely fictitious. Related Topics. sister's hope chest. kaleido? Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php I hope it makes you laugh. [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. A: Bi-focal. Get Image May your only daughter take up with a yak of another faith. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. A: Gunga din. Zippo? 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. Get a random spoof news story. Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. drip. "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. toilet is stopped up? ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these seen them before. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Line: 478 . Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. A: Deep freeze. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. A: The diamond lane. Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? Q: What is a mother of 27 children? [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. A: Double hernia. A: Once is not enough. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. . A: Black feet. Watch now: Free with ads. The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. Margaret's door? . The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? A: Los Angeles Dodgers. Get Image Page 1 of 4 The Answer: Because the employees are smoking the 11 herbs and spices. Here's how it played out on air. A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . A: Eight is enough. A: Supervisor. The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=470, torchweb@gmail.com A: Planter's Punch. May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. A: Executive action. Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. The Answer: They found no brain activity. Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! A: Putting on the dog. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. sister's hooped skirt. A: Disjoint. Murine? Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. . Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. A: Cyclone. skirt. Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. Box 4, Folder 48. He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. . Mouse over chart for play descriptions. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. A: The Loch Ness Monster. The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. Hoffa. While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . Q: What's the major cause of divorce? [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. A: 60 Minutes. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). Is that a reptile? On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. parents. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. One? The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? A: Chariots of the Gods. , The Question: How did Clarnacs wife lose 240 pounds of unwanted fat? Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! A: Dustin Hoffman. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. "Oh, "Knickerbocker"Q. #10. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. A: Never on Sunday. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi?