I became completely numb to anything. Tried all the hormones, the therapy, the talks, and yes, even the threats of stepping out if things dont improve. But maybe if shes willing to try your weekly sex date again, she might find that once youve aroused her, the mood sails in. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. I sure want too. Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. Dont men throb? I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. He is ten years older. Being refused is an essential part of the life of a person who is proactive in getting his or her wants met. My thoughts are I need to end my current marriage so I can MoveOn. Praying for these husbands. So around our house it is whispered, why is he mad? The first step toward addressing this oft-tricky issue is to understand why your wife is acting distant and avoiding being intimate with you. I try to get used to it. We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. She may give in from time to time to satisfy her man, but the drive is gone. Also, expand your definition of sex. Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. I actually envy those that are single. Unfortunately the one thing that was supposed to save civilization was the internet. Shame on all you women who have men that are committed and loving to you!! I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. The question is, will we accept that fact, those facts, and act upon them in honorable fashion.? Ive tried all the normal things too. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. Thats abusive and hurtful too. A lot of my friends say their husbands are like that, too. A lack of communication may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. It will resotre his body as well and make you hapoier. Id never treat him as she does! Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. Not only are you missing out on some fun in the bedroom, but most importantly, youre missing that intimate connection it creates with your wife. We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. 90% of the letters I read, could have been mine. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. Porn is the no. Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. Bonnie, thank you for commenting. Women fall in love with their husbands have kids and having kids taking care of the kids 99.99% and working full time or taking some class to better your job. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. But. Maybe have her read what you have posted here so she can see your pain all laid out with no interruptions like conversations can have when 2 people are both upset and talk at the same time. I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work. Even without your wife, seeing a therapist will help you learn how to communicate with her, and give you new ways of looking at your marriage and strategies for coping. How should I phrase it? Demanding sex is not way to go, maybe we would like to hear her opinion. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. Emotional connection is the starter and it is counterproductive if her man is resentful or walking around with head down and needy. But certainly different than when we were younger. 1. Want to know why? As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. 8 reasons why your wife never initiates intimacy, 5 things to do if your wife never initiates intimacy, My wife never wants to have sex 8 ways to initiate intimacy, 15 Things A Woman Can Do to Spice Up the Bedroom, How to Have Better Sex in a Marriage: 20 Helpful Tips, 30+ Best Sex Tips for Women That Drive Men Crazy, 30 Hot Sex Games for Couples to Play Tonight, 10 Helpful Tips if Youre Tired of Initiating Intimacy, 5 Benefits of Maintenance Sex for Relationships and Marriage, How Physical Relationship Before Marriage Affects Your Relationship, How Relationship Coaching for Men Can Transform Your Love, 30 Traditional and Modern Anniversary Gifts Year by Year, Relationship Bullying: Meaning, Signs and What to Do, 100 Romantic and Funny Questions to Ask Your Husband, Top 100 Wedding Registry Ideas That Can Make You Happy, 100+ Inspirational Womens Day Messages for Your Wife, 50 Fun Things For Couples To Do At Home When Bored, 100 Best International Womens Day Quotes for Your Lady, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, Sexless Marriage: Reasons, Effects & Tips To Deal With It, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay. // Replace PAGE_IDENTIFIER with your page's unique identifier variable If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. Nerves responsible for pleasure become less prominent and less sensitive. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. Learning how to communicate and experience life myself . Its strictly psychological as I have no problems when alone or watching porn, which she is totally against. Im really suffering. You can set things right on this front by planning special dates and mini-vacations so that you can both focus on each other and your relationship without worrying about work, finances, kids and other things. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. But his belly sticks out a lot and makes it extremely difficult to get in because of 3 things. It hard to bud out. Spice up your appearance. Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. Being in a sexless marriage is great, we havent had sex, intimacy togetherness for 40 years. We try not to get in each others way and we havent had a conversation in years. We are both quite healthy but she has little interesting sex now. I just dont understand. That never goes away for most women or men. There are many exceptions, but if you dont want me let me go elsewhere. The guy is a magnet! Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. I think that the advice to seek a trained sex therapist, and the encouragement to increase communication between this man and his wife is appropriate and excellent. I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! Resentment in the marriage eventually leads to conflict and arguments. I gotta stop coming here and reading this. Why waste your money and time on hookerd? I am a little older but want intimacy so bad. Ive read where most men think the woman should spice up their sex lives to keep the man from cheating and those kind of men are lazy. 6. I am new to this. Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. Shes taking care of the house and shes working as well. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. Makes me happy Im not married. If shes not in the mood neither am I . I have noticed in the last two months that most forms of affection have dissapeared. Your story is very very simular to mine. /** I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. No sex for about 20 years. Semi handsome for an old guy. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? During the first twenty- five years of our marriage we were both church goers and sent our son to Catholic schools, but we both now feel that religion doeset always have all the answers. I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. Most dont ever have this figured out. . After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. Women are very conscious about their bodies in general. So, lets be clear. When we have been lucky enough to have experienced phenomenal sex with our partners and that has been cut off, that does not mean we stop wanting or needing sex and intimacy. Does your wife struggle with self-love? More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. But I do it, why? Would you like to see more questions and answers? If you feel that my wife never initiates physical contact, you may be wondering if your marriage is doomed. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. She would be lost. Because I have no suggestions as to how to change things. I want to turn things around and not give up but its a huge blow to what I thought marriage and my life would be. It is time to say, I am horny as hell, and I am tired of pretending I am not because I am over 50!. Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. It seems a waste in the end. But after putting off marriage until I was 40 it too became sexless right after the wedding. For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. I need love that bad to hang on to a partner that never wants sex? I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. I dont understand. My wife is 61 and Im 57. Its incredibly painful!!!! etc. we always believe that we are being judged . At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. At least the replies here seem to reflect this, noting that the opposite can and does happen. But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. I suggested just me doing him and he close his eyes and touch me nope. Should be a Clause in sickness and health and sex also! Here is the rub though. Im to the point where Id be happy with an occasional peck on the cheek. Maybe there are areas of your marriage to be worked on, maybe a little couples' therapy will make a big difference, or maybe it's time to consider whether this marriage is really worth holding on to. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. Cheers Rl. We havent had sex in over a year and a half because of my wifes lack of interest. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! 10 year sexless marriage. It may sound strange, but I actually take some comfort out of reading other peoples comments and stories: I am not alone I also dearly love my wife and would never leave her, but a sexless life (10+ years) is the sad reality. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. If I go with my friend (who is also not 100% and we have the same pace, easy and slow) he ridicules me that I have energy to shop, walk her dog or just sit and chat over some tea. I go where I want and do my own thing, theres no where are you going, screaming and name calling. Its is not your role. Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. Do I disgust her? A dip in intimacy can be brought on by several factors new responsibilities, changing priorities, biological and physiological changes. Each time she claims to like having sex, but is just tired! She always had 2 orgasms before me. What the heck! I dont believe calling sex your duty is accurate at all. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? In case you have nothing to hide, work on communication exercises with your partner to be able to tell her that there is no need for trust issues. Fix it. Think of the biblical verse Ecclesiastes 3. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. If youre living with a gut feeling that your wife avoids intimacy on purpose, it may be time to take matters into your hand to rejuvenate your relationship. We have been Maries for 26 years. My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. I get angry, then sad and depressed. The scenario you posited is anything but. We went to separate colleges and this was before cell phones and computers. I see my friend for an outing about 2X/month. But it should not stop like this as it hampering your life. However I worked as much at home since someone had to do it. My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). So, Thomas maybe your right they must be doing it wrong. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. But she is just not sexually attracted to me. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Join us online to gain access to exclusive benefits and opportunities only for Senior Planet Supporters! Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. . We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. Mates but l want to .feel loved , should l hang lt up and move on ty. I almost wish I were. So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. Its ridiculous. I remember when certain words did the trick. If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. So, heres what I did. I want to have a joyful life not just be comfortably numb. I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. After chemo and radiation, they put her on hormone suppression drugs, which reduced her libido a lot. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. That was 28 years ago. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! Come to find out my wife was getting hers on the side. If only you could want . My wife stop having sex with me its been 8 months. No way you are real!!! God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. I spent 36 years with a man who I was never good enough for and now in a relationship with a man who loves me and is so kind. "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. This could be a reason why your wife avoids sex. I was too vain and just average. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. Best of luck to you! If sex is becoming harder, less pleasurable, or more painful to have, it makes sense that a woman may lose interest in having it at all. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. You say you dont know if youre doing foreplay right. I didnt either with my late husband Too much cheating etc. We are all just CroMagnon reborn. has he? He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! After my heart surgery 2 years ago for the same valve, we found the same surgeon who repaired it robotically and I was able to care for her pneumonia 2 weeks later and a year later heart failure, improved by a TAVR Aortic valve replacement last spring. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Sex should be mutually inclusive. Im at a loss for words. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. Sure I wish I could be confident in her skin too but Im not going to let it overwhelm me. Sometimes I wish he would go. 5509 W. Gray Street, Suite 100Tampa, FL 33609(813) 222-8300, Copyright 2022 Family First, INC. All Rights Reserved.Site Design by Design Extensions, 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. How about this? Sex ended, period. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? I am beginning to think that we are supposed to get old. There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. Blah blah blah. For a woman, as she ages, she needs time to get into that sexual mindset and anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. Take your time and show your wife youre not in a hurry. But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. Denied the enjoyment, should they be expected to put the same effort into the preparation? Well, I am more than happy to say that our marriage has lasted for over 56 years and I know that we are still together mostly due to the fact that we are best friends. We werent intimate back then, and a quirk of fate brought us together recently. She wanted me to be sexual with her, but would not reciprocate. We are both active and healthy. Just get out Stan. Copyright 2023 Older Adults Technology Services, Inc. All rights reserved. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. Feel like I have him a lifetime!!! Hes my best friend, the love of my life, an amazing Dad, my confidant and my everything. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); State your case to your partners. Good luck. Be the man who won her heart! Less. There is only one person I love adore and desire. I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). I am 60 and my wife has zero interest in sex, was never real sexual, but after menopause, it is zero. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. I never signed up to be married and not getting sex. She is just plain not sexually attracted to me. Also shes happy without sex after her hysterectomy and gal bladder surgery. Why would anyone want to have sex with your pessimistic, crotchety, excuse-ridden ass? Does your wife struggle with self-love? We could be spontaneous. I am in your same position but from the other side I am a 64 year old healthy, active man. Now ASAP get a life please. I am not the same, never will be. Please help. I though it was my age, now I am 65 look OK, but not yong any more. Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. You may find that your perception of the situation is extremely different than theirs . Haha it isnt always easy but I try to focus where we are in life. Once you cross into the no sex zone there is NO going back. It isnt. This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. I said no. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. My wife and I are celebrating 48 years together in January. Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. Let them know how their refusal to engage with you sexually has affected you emotionally, physically, mentally and pyschologically. In other words, pressure makes for bad sex even when you actually end up having it, and all that pressure and bad sex might make your wife just lose interest in sex completely. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. We know right form wrong. But we didnt know what we had. I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. Am I doomed? Even when a man has had prostate cancer, as my husband has, that does not mean he gets a free pass to close up shop and put his wife on the shelf the rest of her life. well she decided we will not have sex, and to top it off, she has panic if she touches me and me touching her. We were both virgins when we married. I have often thought about having an affair but I just dont know how to approach going that direction. Not sure what feels worse, not getting any or getting it with her just laying there. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! Also, look into the idea of responsive desire and make sure you understand it. Flirting in public! Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? She has very little interest in penetration. I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). Some women have no idea of how belittled this makes a man feel, and its not just a matter of getting our rocks off since we can do that ourselves. A woman who feels that shes living with a man whocant regain her trust after cheating will most certainly have problems connecting with him on an emotional as well as physical level. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. But if its truly my duty.. Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Period. She had here ovaries removed due to cancer risk, after sex was painful and pussy all dried up, tried lubes and no luck and still painful when my rock hard penis went in her sweet pussy. Not you at all by the sounds of it. If Im doing the very best I can and feeling pretty good about things, ITS NEVER ENOUGH. He just isnt interested and blames it on his diabetes. You need to talk to her and get to the root of whats causing her panic and anxiety whenever she gets close to you; when she feels comfortable and that whatever major issue there is, gets resolved, maybe your sex life will return. I dont mean to downgrade the pain someone feels with this, but there are levels to everything. He has performance anxiety. Same issue here. I urge you to seek help now. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? I am familiar with all of this and I kept silent for a very long time. My husband became disabled and had to quit his job. why is he grumpy? Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. She has her own retail business, which cash flows, but has hasnt turned a profit in the last 5 years. Im 77 and if I felt my husband was dissatisfied with our sexless, but not loveless, marriage, Id choose to be single. mine forgot my birthday this year (it is 2 days before his lol) and our wedding anniversary : ( I can not compete with his online game omg he plays 24-7 so I can relate to your problem with your wife choosing the phone over you thats cold. Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. Stay with it, work on it with her. Food, sleep, sex. I have tried joint with promises of renewal and never worked. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Its time to change your strategy. This is relevant for anyone with anxiety about their body (which, unfortunately, is true for the vast majority of women), but it may be particularly relevant for women as they age, go through childbirth, or simply experience changes to their body over time.
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