I hope you are living well in the world of the creator. My husband who was so much part of me died in late March this year. We have two adult children and want I find myself not wanting to be around them because they get frustrated that I can not move forward. You move on , try to meet new people. He was another father/brother figure for me and we were inseparable. I was married 63 years and took care of my husband for his last 2 years. Its just that sometimes a song, a memory, or something someone says rips it open again, and you have to let all the emotions out so you can heal again. I wish I could believe it is going to be ok but I dont feel that way. Now nearly two years later I still miss him ddearly. Im pretty much numb. Yes, the 2nd year seems much worse. I lost my husband of 42 year suddenly 15 months ago. talk about your feelings with out your child hearing but talk to your child about their feelings because that child is hurting real bad too. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. Please keep me in prayer as I figure out what my nect steps are. Though it's been years now since you were taken away, the memories are still strong, and I wish you were here today. The way she was with our 4 babies 8-20 years old. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. He isnt hero, my best friend, and the man I wish I could be more like. I still do Mindfullness as a sleeping aid when needed. wishing id been around more. Love and understanding yo all of us. But more so I feel awful for my mom. I have been dating again although I was not looking I started to date an Ex that I have older children by, I Dont feel right and feel guilty at times but it helps sometimes. Some guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. I used to be the life of the party but that person is gone. I was only 19 when he passed away. No matter how long it's been, there are times when it suddenly becomes harder to breathe. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They're what's come to be known as long-haulers in a pandemic that's killing about 2,500 Americans a day as case numbers soar from coast to coast. We were married 60 years. Am I going nuts, or do others feel this way at times also. You can use the IRS' Where's My Refund? I never get a reply. My younger brother spent his birthday on our sisters funeral. They are blessings. The twelve month anniversary of my wifes passing came and I thought I would cope but I totally lost it. I have wonderful family and I started going back to church after he died. So Ive decided to join her. Just keep pushing onward and live while you are still able to. Maybe one should not love so deeply, then maybe it would not hurt so much to lose them. My kids live in a different state and dont even keep in contact with me. I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. I lost my beautiful wife of 40 years. creating an adult coloring book with his images that I will share with the world soon. Lost my husband of 46 years Aug 2019. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. Anyway, I had strep throat one winter. I have not had a single day without tears since she was diagnosed.Yes, just over 18 months. Technology is cruel, live pictures and videos make you see people in the past that once were eating dinner, and are now ashes on an urn. 17 months since I lost my beloved Father. God left me here for a reason, I just dont know what for. I feel like I am broken and never will be fixed. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness. But this Thanksgiving and Christmas is much harder without him. I stayed in pjs all weekend and left my phone off. You were and always will be the love of my life. And every day I think about her. Died. He was the best husband and father! Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. Im currently in the process of dealing with all the emotions that come from grief. My spouse died suddenly also. Isolated judged alone. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. I think everyone thinks I should have moved on and gotten over it. I will spend it alone. Your email address will not be published. I try to be positive and move forward. I dont think I could find anyone that could be like him. I will continue the fight. Which I fear for my partner as he is so lovely and loves me dearly but I cant let him in too much. In other words, there was nothing they could do. Many people have said to me (and they still do), you have your kids and she is in them I cry daily and wish I was the one who passed, Robin I am with you almost two years for me after 30 years of a wonderful marriage. WE PROVIDE HIGH-QUALITY VISITORS WITH: Its not in my character, its not who I am. Oh Jennifer I read your words and its like me talking, I feel with you. I lost my son and then his father 150 days later. When I was 14/15 I met my bf we were friends good friends. Florida Statutes require you to submit the original Will to the clerk of the court within 10 days of the person passing, while Florida Statute says this, no one holds you to this rule for obvious reasons. God bless you. Its not easy. They come 10 seconds apart and dont even give you time to catch your breath. I dont know whether to clarify dads gf is wrong or just to hold her. Its not like I was a trusting person before; now its even less so the case. And exactly one year later, her mother passed away due to heart failure. Getting in touch with other widows/ widowers has helped, though. When Keanu died, I disintegrated physically and mentally. So I guess according to her, I should be done with it. Pamela. I miss his smile, laughter, companionship,voice, etc. He was the reason why I began to love dogs, and subsequently, embark on animal rescue work, including heading SOSD today. Its like a scar that sometimes bleeds. I rember the first few days after mums passing I thought I could hear my mums foot steps walking with me, I thought I could see zmy mum in the streets to me she was still here. cindy your right when i lost my 7 year old son his brother who was 2 years older (my oldest son) totally changed as my sons death was unexpected its been 19 years since he died and his brother never got over it and was diagnosed with personality disorder 4 year ago they said it was brought on by the traumatic loss of his brother,for me the 19th year is just the same as the first year and 2nd and 3rd etc,i was told it would get easier but everyones different i guess because my heart is still breaking and tears still flowing. I cant function with this . Hello Diana, But until these well meaning people develop a great deal of empathy, they just dont get it!! I pray every single day and ask God to help me, not for me but for them. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! I celebrate my grandkids birthdays, but still cant do Christmas or Thanksgiving. We lost our 16yo child to suicide four months ago. Am I alone feeling like this? There seems no point although I try to pray. Anyone else lost 2 sisters or siblings at young ages who can at least relate on why at almost 2 years post second loss I am experiencing deep depression and complete apathy sure I fake it and smile when one is cued because I dont know how to anymore. Roger. Life is filled with pain and I cant find the balance without my husband. Four months after her death my 32 year old nephew died of a drug over dose. I pray for you and your recovery! "Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sigh" - Rossiter Worthington . But lately I find myself overwhelmed with sadness as weeping. It starts like a small fire being ignited in the pit of my stomach that begins to swell and push upward. This is quite normal as animals have qualities our fellow humans do not seem to indicate.Please refer to this link: https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton roads/. Im not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. Nearly five months after their pregnancy news made headlines, Herron and Brown revealed that their newborn son, Oliver, died prematurely at 24 weeks. Four months he fought from diagnosis to him passing. So in addition to trying to process her death, I still find myself saying to myself What happened? Ive said it many times: nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can prepare us for the finality of death. ========================. I still wear my wedding ring Im never going to take it off she is my love and only no datting for me there no one out there who will replace her. This makes me hurt even more I live now in constant prayer for my darling to be in the joyous comfort of our Father and Jesus and that when Father is ready, He will call me Home and reunite us together as He joined us together in 1980. I lots my Mum 2 months before my partner and broke my ankle 2 weeks before he died.I have also moved house because he left the house we lived in to his sonhonest!! I hate my life and wish to die daily. If youre lucky, youll have lots of scars from lots of loves. He did always know who I was and also his daughters even at the end. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. I will be 67 later this year. Not at you, but with you. If you've lost someone you're close to, you might recognize some of these. I try to filter the thoughts in my mind so as not to feel the pain. I am so sad that we are all connected by loss. Never had a negative I still work because I am 58. The family member who thinks that 18 months after your husband died you should be dating again? She was my best and only friend. I can talk to them. But I will say that youll come to see the pain differently, itll mutate and one day youll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. My sister died 3 years ago at age 47. I lost my wife 14 months ago, we The longer its been since weve seen them or heard their voice. He was truly my best friend. i find it hard to function, to get back to church, to get back to anything. I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. I have come to realize for myself that I ultimately need to move rid myself of too many artifacts of our life. I can totally understand these feelings. It was the hardest Xmas every. I have a big empty space inside that just wont go away. I cry when no one is home. We were married for 55 years and planned on living to the age of 90 and then we would be ready for God to call us home when he wanted to. He had choked on an Arbys roast beef sandwich. He did have some medical issues but he pulled through all of them and then suddenly passed. God Bless, I understand where youre coming from Sharon. Trying to figure out how Ill ever move on and know I have to. The pain is physical even as I start into year 3 without him. Then a few months later it came back with a vengeance.. everywhere. We see your attributes and qualities in each other and in our children and we know you are living on through those you loved." "It's been three years since you left us, father, and you are still in my heart. For me it was totally useless and a waste of time! Time does not necessarily heal. This is normal feelings. He died suddenly in war. It has been 6 months since the first dog's death, Nugget. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. You are a child of the universe and have been left here for a reason. I sit here now 23 months later with tears flowing endlessly. Its only at night when I lay in bed missing him holding me. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. Ive felt so guilty since he passed about everything I could have said and everything I shouldnt have said, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Him and I were very close. The year anniversary of his passing will be Dec 5. The Lord is working on that companions heart as we speak, and that person is trying to prepare themselves for a crossroads convergence with your heart. Take one day at a time, keep your own pace, and take care of yourself the way your spouse would if only they were here thats a great way to honour them. What am I suppose to do now? I felt like it was me who died the first year and I was a ghost in my own life. Everyone he met loved him, he never raised his voice and was so caring. What helped me a little was to think that she was traveling and that she was coming back home in a few days His cancer was a rare and aggressive form and he was gone within 6 months of his diagnosis. no one understands and I often find myself pretending to others everything is fine. Two months have passed. We had plans to move to a Sr. just realized recently that this will not get any better at all. We got to have him with us another fourteen years or so. He was so close to me just like a little brother. I dont say it will not be hard going into the future and I will not say tone is a healer. I will say that it is a wonderful feeling, but also, I still miss my husband. That loss, and pain will ease, and of course we break down and cry. It was a 16 months battle that we knew she was going to lose. It isnt any easier if it happens early or later than anticipated. Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left. i am approaching the second year since my wife died unexpected she went to visit our son and died of a brain aneurysm non his front lawn- Married 36 years- every day is a struggle and as busy as i try to be having two children in their thirties i still feel so lonely when i am alone at bedtime, it is inconceivable that i can be happy again. If you dont mind I will include you in my prayers. Im now starting the 2nd year after the sudden loss of the love of my life. This can be especially true for a sudden loss, but can surprise people when they are in shock even after a loved one has died following a long and drawn out illness. it feels like there is no end. Now feeling that most of life does not fit me any longer: not my clothes, my town, my friends, my houseeverything seems empty on the bad days. He passed away on July 27 2018. I lost my dear Husband 10 months ago on Dec 19 2018 and then my lovely beautiful son passed away 8 weeks later.I am struggling still so badly.I am trying so hard to get on with my life but its not getting any better yet.I cry every day and so depressed and lonely.I just keep hoping and praying it will get better.We had been together 60 yrs and married 55,its so hard and miss him so much.My son had Cancer but fought it for 4 yrs,but it beat him in the end.I keep thinking ile feel better but as yet it doesnt.Ime just hoping and praying I will get to feel better. It was discovered that he had Guianne Barre disease that has been proven to be caused by this shot. I always wonder if this normal. My then 7 year old daughter found him first. Doo sorry for your loss x I lost my husband of 47 years 6 months ago and Im.sooo lost ..I cry all the time I dont eat or sleep he was my soul mate how does life go on, I lost my husband of 44 years dec 29, 2020 I am at a loss for life, he was 76 and I am 65 ,,, I pretty much took care of him for the last few years poor guy so so sad he was hating his disabilities so much pain he didnt really want anyone around and when we were alone he would get in a stressed out mood and yell how he hated life and wanted god to take him then cry and do it all over again and again for a very long time, I loved him more than life itself,,,, I have losses in my life my sibling,mother and father,,, I am exhausted now my husband I am so lost with my life and so sad. Valetines. I still see you in my dreams on many nights and wish you never had to leave us. he asked me in a parting note not to forget him, or my other brother who died in 2018 or my parents who went before. I have tried to be strong, to work through the loss, taken on a healthier lifestyle, spend time with friends, dress up and put on my makeup, work hard yet I am left feeling empty. He died within days of me telling him. Today is the second Thanksgiving without my husband, who I lost 18 months. I am so lonely, but not for another, but Feel your feelings, cry when you need to. It doesnt feel any better or easier. Why did he have to be taken away from me? March 27th of this year she was placed on hospice. Donna, Im same as you . I cry and curse yet, but I am not debilitated on the floor for an afternoon. I had thirty years of marriage she was everything to me all I had known since eighteen.I had counselling through myself back into work and seemed to be coping acknowledging every milestone with great sadness. He was 36yrs old. I just had the one-year anniversary of losing my husband suddenly and unexpectedly after 35 years. I just survive praying to God that one day we will be united. Susan was the only person who ever truly understood me and love me unconditionally. We did not have any children its just me & my 4 dogs & other pets that we both adored. No bots, proxies, or datacenters Hi everyone! Im very tired of it all. Approaching the second year of losing my 47 yo husband to Cancer. It's been just a few years since you passed away. My husband of 37 yrs passed away July 25 2018. Hi Heather We were very close. They always say it will get better. He never opened his eyes. I do have 3 friends that lost their sons the same summer as mine. First, there is great resource here and elsewhere on the internet and in communities. My prayers be with you all. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. I still cry over losing him, his voice, his jokes, his love. Your loss date was quite close to mine. I havent been able to do things that I normally did since the day he left. Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. The medications are harsh but necessary. The one who had a special smile only for you, who knew your heart and soul, who really cared, and then you are alone. So in my head all I know is they were wrong. But learning how to refocus away from the loss and on to small or meaningful distractions will create pockets of respite. My daughter is 15. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix. And now Im beginning year 2 without him but it doesnt feel any less of a loss. I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve (nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified). its been around 17 months since I lost my husband, we were married for 34 Years, he was almost 62 when he died suddenly in his sleep of heart failure. Losing a Brother I hear very little about. He was everyone friend including enemies. He said any kind of self harm is your bodies way of protecting itself from the great, immeasurable pain. Blessings to you all and I pray that your suffering is eased a little each day and replaced with memories and blessings of joy. Endless hospitals endless sick days endless weakness. She made it 7days. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. He did this June 2017 so all 1st have passed but now is the hardest part for me. The pain was unbearable, especially going to his grave. Best regards Conor. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). Im remember things I wish I would have done and several moments I wish I could have done better. I cant remember last Thanksgiving or Christmas but I made it. I keep thinking why! Wow. Made some new friends as well, attend a different church. For example, if DATEDIF (DATE (1969,7,16),DATE (1969,7,24),"D") returns 1/4/1900, the Date . Unfortunately, Im taking anti-anxiety meds on occasion to quell the freak-outs (which I dont like doing and had NEVER done before), but I seem to need them right now. Well grieving does affect your metabolism, and hormones, and you are tired all the time, and often overeat. I lose my husband two weeks ago. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. Year number 1 I was numb. 1 February is our 11 marriage anniversary, can believe last year I was alone and this year tooyear. Then reality hits home so hard in the gut, I found my self holding back the tears because one I was pregnant with my 3rd son and second I didnt. Theses waves of grief dont last all day, as they did last year, but they are intense when they do happen, yet short. Holly, I lost my wife early last year. I have been dating someone for six months now. Now, its almost at the 2 year mark. Most of the time things are ok but every now and then Ill have a day thats just a throwback to the original date. I wasnt old also I no I wasnt no spring chicken. My husband died after autopsy report. Was just trying to forget my past and start over again a fresh start but all that came down hill when I was in college and had a panic attacked in one class realizing that it was time for me to deal with the truth. I too have some wonderful children and grandchildren but they have their own life and like Norma said until you are in the spouse club you really cant understand this lose. He was 54. He battled stage 4 lung cancer (also never smoked) for 7 1/2 years. I so feel everyones painandI am so sorry, Dear Holly Just read your email and do know how you feel I as with my Husband for 59years Married for 56 of them he passed away just over a year ago, We said we would be around till we were 90 as we were never ill really enjoyed good health, Then he wasnt well one night and went to Hospital and a junior Doctor used a wrong catheter and after that he was never the same and a year later he died. I have maintained same treatment for 1 year longer than we were together. Nothing. It helps me to know that although I feel alone, I am not alone in my emotions. The other daughter from another marriage and she gave us three beautiful grandchildren Tyler 16 Dominic is turning in today and beautiful Savannah who just turned 3 every time I spend time with those children and I see, I too, lost my beloved husband two years ago. The second year of grief is like reliving the first year but awake. ~ C.R. 3. Love to everybody with the same feelings. Perhaps Ill return in the near future. Scars are a testament to life. I can say there are days that are a bit better than others. Thats exactly how I have felt! These days are what made the memories so hard to deal with. Take care. My husband died on June 4th 2016 .He was fine ,ran 8 miles a day. Nothing like my kind caring husband. My dad passed away Mar2016. I feel so sorry that my wife had so much pain to go though and nothing could save her life. And other waves will come. Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? I understand the empty feeling, the terrible ache. Now Im at Year 4. I am in agreement with so many of you, my husband, soulmate, lover, best friend of 36 years went into his deep sleep on 04 January 2017. Nothing i do or say can change what happened. Very sad. I have read most of the posts..we are all in pain..it has been 1 year 1 month and 6 days since I lost my best friend my anchor..I live interstate away from my two children..I work full time and have lots lf work colleagues..my lifelong friend lives interstate..I have two dogs and no close friends outside of work.suddenly my pain and lonliness seems to be more devastating that in the first 12 months..people think I am tough and have done really well and appear happy again.how wrong they all are..underneath this fascade is a really sad person whose heart has broken wide open.right now I seriously feel being dead would be easier..I am empty inside with no future to look forward to.even my sense of humour which I am renowned for has died with my hubbyI do motivate muself to go oit and am surrounded by couples only enforcing on how lonely I ama person who used to be extra energetic, happy, always laughing..this person is now dead inside with no wish to carry on with my life.not sure how long I can go on for..if it werent for my dogs I would have left this life months agodont care any more..sorry..but there is no way I can tell anyone how I feel..not even my Grief Counsellor..I know I am not the only one of us who feels like this so whoever you are you will know exactly how I am feelingand no..I will not use antidepressants..I am not depressed there ks no medication for heartbreak. From year 2 until now, its not the memories anymore; its the loneliness, the silence, the emptiness God has given me strength to carry on. As if you couldnt have loved him or her as less than a mother or father or a wife. Date Calculators. This week for no particular reason has been extremely hard. Even though it has been a long time, it's still hard to believe that she's gone!. I too had the months of legal stuff and find things he used to do and now my responsibility rather hard. its really not any easier especially here at the holidays. People say you need to find love again. We were married for 13 years. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero.